Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
