we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
