it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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