are you still at the devil's house?
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Randomize
