And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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