I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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