And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
