Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize
