Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
