return my video game
On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
