he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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