my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
worst night to have a conscience
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
