just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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