Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
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