should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Randomize
