i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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