Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
