i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
