I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
