Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
