that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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