Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
