please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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