Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
do nipples grow back?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
