...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
