dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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