did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
