is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
