curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
