I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize
