FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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