That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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