the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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