The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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