Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
