I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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