So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
