i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
