people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
