I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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