the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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