Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Swine flu is the new snow day.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
