I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
lol hangovers are for mortals.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
