my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I want you more than these girls want KFC
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Randomize
