i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
