i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Randomize
