so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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