someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
