I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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