Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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