dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
