I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
