i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
operation have a gay friend backfired
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
