I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Randomize
