call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
