he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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