we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
